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The question comes up a lot among widowed and those who are interested in dating them – how soon after the death of a spouse is it considered appropriate to begin dating/or pursuing? Other widowed people like to trot out the tired cliché – It’s such a circular and unhelpful answer that I’d like to ban the phrase from the grief lexicon because given the minefield of rules and expectations surrounding widowhood, asking is the only way to clarify whether the signals you are receiving from your peers, family and friends are about your welfare or their self-interest. Scarlett knew the rules on widowed decorum because society at that time spelled it out. It may have sucked, but everyone was clear on the time frame and waited (while perhaps discreetly lining up suitors for once the deadline had passed). Younger widowed date and remarry sooner, and at higher rates, than older ones. Attempted to look resolute and somber, smiling wanly as you sat out your “black-shirted” year on the wallflower bench. Whereas the newly broken up or divorced are free to take the field again as soon as they like, the widowed must navigate religious, family and community rules on the subject, and they vary. But, having children or not, being younger or older and your general state of resiliency in the face of tragedy plays into this as well.Our relationship began online, and as friends, but when it was clear to us that this could be more, we deliberately took that step, kept moving forward and haven’t looked back. More widowed than will admit to it try to date at some point within the first year.Some people even begin dating with weeks or a few months.Widowed who are truly ready to date do not use their widowhood to control the pace of a relationship or coerce their girl/boyfriends into accepting unilateral terms of engagement.Playing the widow card in the relationship arena is a no-no. Some widowed find contentment and even a lot of joy in being single and unattached.Taking their feelings into account is good, but don’t forget that they have their own lives to mind and should leave the minding of yours to you. Try to avoid a revolving door of dates where underage kids are concerned.If you weren’t living your life by committee prior to your spouse’s death, don’t start now. Only introduce them to people you feel you have a future with, and when you do, expect them to behave like well-brought up humans. If problems arise with adult children, remind them that they should spend their time and energy minding their own lives.
4) Which brings me to this: if you are in the habit of using your widowhood to manipulate situations and people, you aren’t ready to date. You know what I am talking about – playing the “widow card”.
Average time frame for widowers who remarry is about two – three years while for widows, it’s three to five years.
The best answer I ever heard was something along the lines of And it is. Stereotypes say that men date sooner and remarry more quickly than women do, and there is statistical validity in this.
The majority of men I met through it were varying degrees of depressing in their hunt for on-call girlfriends.
It was while taking a break from dating that Rob appeared.
But there are those who wait out the so-called year deadline of propriety too, and others who buy wholeheartedly into the notion that they must “work at their grieving” to get it all out of their system before trying to move on in any aspect of their lives, dating included. In my opinion, and experience, when thinking about it begins to more of a logistical “how will I do it” rather than a daydream to chase away sadness, you are probably ready to look into it at the very least.